the trying of your faith… (5)

Job says,

Job 14:1 (ESV)

“Man who is born of a woman is few of days and full of trouble.

and again,

Job 5:7 (ESV)
but man is born to trouble as the sparks fly upward.

Of course, Job had good reason to view life like this.  He lost, possessions, family and health all within a few days of each other.  His troubles were catastrophic.  Yet he is by no means unique.  We, who live in the West in the C21, find it difficult to grasp that for the vast majority of people through the vast majority of history life has been very harsh.  In the past only the strong survived very long and their lives were often hard and difficult.  The same is true even today for those outside the privileged West.  For most Job’s words are true, ‘few days and full of trouble’.

Even in the West technology can only cushion a little.  Many people suffer cruelly in life.  Illness and tragedy can strike at any time.  How do people cope?   To be frank, I do not know how non-Christian people do cope.  For there is little comfort in atheism or agnosticism.  Nor do the major religions of the world provide much comfort to the sufferer.  I hope to show this in a future blog.  But Christians are not crippled by belief systems that offer little consolation.  The Christian faith is full of encouragements in the face of adversity.  We noticed this in a previous blog.  It seems wherever you turn to in the Christian gospel there are resources to buoy one’s spirit and strengthen resolve.

I am not saying that these remove suffering.  Nor am I saying that they are easy to hold in the midst of trauma, yet holding them through pain steadies our quaking nerve and maintains meaning and purpose in the chaos of suffering.  Many have found this to be true in profound suffering.

I have not suffered deeply in life, but I have suffered.  None go through life, even in the West, free of trouble.  In my late twenties out of the blue an illness struck that carried in its wake deep depression.  Until then, I had no conception what trouble was and even less ‘depression’.  In a matter of days my confident and secure world collapsed around me.  Deep depression was accompanied by raging anxiety.  Involved in the poisonous cocktail was a loss of emotional energy.  The slightest task seemed to require climbing a mountain.

It was a time of spiritual crisis too.  Where my faith had fairly easily withstood the assault of secular education in a matter of weeks depression left it pretty well lay in tatters around me.   Until then, my faith had been genuine but fairly superficial.  It had never been really tested.  Under test, its superficiality was exposed.      It took time for me to learn to trust at a deeper level.   The Lord kind of forced this upon me.  I found medication helped but not as much as I had pinned my hopes on.  I gradually realised that any hope of living with this fearful illness and in time perhaps overcoming it lay with the Lord.  I began to learn to trust.

Let me explain what I mean by trust.  Remember, although medication helped (and if you suffer from depression make sure you go to the doctor and do not be afraid of medication) a little (many people it helps much more) I still struggled with depression, anxiety and a lack of energy.  When I resolved to trust it did not mean that my mind immediately found peace and joy.  Far from it.  In resolving to trust what I began to do was talk to myself in biblical categories and refuse to think or give credit to the anxious thoughts that were clawing at my mind for attention and acceptance.  Faith holds to what God promises and refuses unbelieving thoughts.

Let me give an example.  I was a schoolteacher.  I had been on sick leave for six months.  I could see if I waited until I was fully well before returning this may never happen and so I decided (with my doctor’s approval) to return to work.  The trouble with teaching of course is that you hit the classroom running.  There was in these days no way of being eased in gently.  I was about to start back working and I was running at best on two cylinders.  I knew I had nothing like the energy required to do the job.  Anxiety was ratcheting up inside.  For many months I went into work and through the working day repeating as a mantra to myself, ‘the Lord is my strength… the Lord is my strength’.  I would say again and again and again, ‘I can do all things through Christ that gives me strength’.  When thoughts threatened to overwhelm that I could not continue I would stifle them with, ‘I can do all things…’

Gradually, anxieties subsided,  and slowly, painfully slowly, depression lifted and a measure of energy returned.  I have learned by God’s grace that the gospel is the source of great strength, hope and even joy in trouble.  I learned even in depression that joy is a choice.  Paul and Silas, in the deepest dungeon at Philippi had little to rejoice about, but they chose to rejoice.  Paul regularly encourages believers to rejoice.  In depression, I learned to rejoice.  I learned to develop a thankful spirit for all the little things in life, to ‘count my blessings’.  I learned to lie back in bed at night and allow a simple truth about God and the gospel of Christ to bring light to my mind.  It may simply be ‘God is good’ or, ‘The son of God loved me and gave himself for me’  or, ‘Be anxious for nothing… your heavenly father knows your needs’.

Over the years this illness has remained in measure with me.  It is my ‘thorn’ and its pain is not pleasant.  I largely function on three cylinders and on a good day on three and a half (bad day, two and a half).  I have learned to believe that God’s strength is perfected in weakness and to believe, ‘my grace is sufficient for you’.  I have learned of course, at best, imperfectly and with many stumbles.  But that is the way of faith.

What I am saying  in this blog is that the gospel is full of consolations for the struggling and troubled spirit and that is exactly what God intends it to be.  He wants us to find our bedrock in him.   He, in Christ, is for us ‘the Rock of Ages’.  He is our stability, strength, satisfaction and salvation.  He is our salvation in every sense of the word.  At every point of life and in every situation of life and for every need of life our God is sufficient and our Saviour.  He saves us from the guilt of the past and saves us in the testing circumstances of the present and will save us through every danger of the future until he brings us safely and triumphantly into his heavenly Kingdom.

Learn the great truths of the gospel and apply them to your everyday life.  They reveal to us a God who is more than able to meet our needs whatever they may be.  Romans 8 says it so well.  It may be said to someone tritely and that is wrong but if said and received in the right spirit these verses are a powerful encouragement to faith.

Rom 8:31-39 (ESV)
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died-more than that, who was raised-who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”  No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

If you wish to read more about depression and handling it as a Christian, I wrote an article which can be found here.

nothing but grace

I am naturally too given to pride and self-confidence (and of course many other sins).   One of the ways the Lord has dealt with these over the years and taught me again and again (for I quickly forget) to trust in him is through a ‘thorn’.  My particular thorn is a depressive illness.  The Lord has seen fit for this to feature in one way or another frequently in my adult life.

Now if you happen to read this and you are experiencing depression I wish to say many if not most  (I am not a doctor) people who get a bout of clinical depression get over it and live a normal life.  Moreover, depression can be greatly helped medically.  I urge you to see your doctor and tell him your symptoms.  My depression bouts are much more tolerable as a result of medication.

Over the past few days I some depressive symptoms have arisen and with them the usual accompanying distorted thoughts.   I thought I would list some of the thoughts and issues I wrestle with when depression hits me.  In a sense they are what we all wrestle with to varying degrees on an ongoing way.  In depression they are exaggerated and their dominance and severity in proportion to the severity of the depressive disorder.

For me, as for many Christians troubled by depression, guilt surfaces and wishes to dominate.

• I feel guilt because I am unable to really do much to serve the Lord.  I am unable to take on any responsibilities within the local church.  I am still relatively young (mid-fifties) yet can contribute very little to the progress of the gospel.  A lack of energy and uncertainty about my nervous health make it difficult to be involved.  A feeling of uselessness may seep in.
• I feel guilt over basic Christian disciplines.  It is hard to read Scripture or pray when unwell (I simply don’t have the mental energy).  Also, when I read Scripture, I am likely to feel deeply accused or let a verse or principle get out of proportion in my mind and cause anxiety.
• Of course, many past sins come back to haunt me often creating surges of anxiety and hot flushes of shame.
• Also I tend when troubled by depression to get an over-scrupulous conscience.  I begin to see sin where there is no sin. The world and everything in it is seen in its blackest and most sinister hue.
• It is in depression that I am most likely to wonder if the faith is true.  It seems as if the devil is especially active bringing to my mind arguments and suggestions that create doubt.
• In depression I wonder if I am saved.  I see my sin, past and present.  I see how little I can do and I wonder if I am really converted.

These are a few of the bleak thoughts that cloud out the sun and create introspection.

In these bouts I have learned (very imperfectly) to do two things.

One, I try to close my mind to as many serious thoughts as possible.  My mind is bruised/weak and needs rest.  It simply can’t cope with the thoughts or trying to answer them again (I have already answered most many times before).  I think about anything, especially faith matters, as lightly as possible.  I have found it best to keep my mind as empty as possible.  Little inconsequential thoughts are best.

Two, I make it my business to rest as fully as possible on God’s grace.  I have learned to accept that my salvation and acceptance does not rest on how active I am in service, it rests on God’s grace.  I have learned too that the only effective answer to guilt accusations is grace.  When my thoughts accuse me I simply fill my mind with the word grace.  The blood of Jesus God’s Son cleanses me from all sin.  I recognise if I am to be accepted it will not be because of my performance but all of grace.

Preachers, preach grace.  God’s people need to hear about it continually.